Self portrait@Bard College 1970

Self portrait@Bard College 1970
my first self portrait

artistic journey to slay dragon, rescue virgin, acknowlege feeder/eaten...

artistic journey to slay dragon, rescue virgin, acknowledge the feeder/eaten, bewitching enchantment of the succubus slut and devouring mother in anima , and unlock beast

Beauty said, "Yes dear Beast, I will marry you." At this the castle filled with a blaze of light and the sound of music. Beast disappeared, and in his place stood a handsome prince, who told Beauty he had been enchanted by a witch. The spell was ordained to last until a beautiful girl should love Beast for his goodness alone.
'Beauty and the Beast'





mother

mother
You are crueller, you that we love,
Than hatred, hunger, or death,
You have eyes and breasts like a dove,
And you kill men s hearts with a
breath.

Charles Swinburne




Sat-an

Sat-an
giclee print 24x36"

Feeders

If you run into a feeder it may be your lucky day - not many can find as pure and unadulterated metaphor embodied in a human form ... it talks straight to your anima who is in turn reflective of your deal w this devil. It is the devil in yourself...your projection of your anima that makes you an indignant victimized beast. You hunted high and low for this perfect manifestation of your most intimate desires. All that you blame this anima for is the core of your very being - or pretty close to it...Its why it fascinates you and why you understand it so intimately... so have love and compassion for it and say adios to ignorance, bewitchment and being a poor beast
how will you know her? She is you and you are her. She is Kali killing eating and fucking and creating, the Black Virgin, your devouring Mother, a succubus Vampire slut intent on you as a food source if you are lucky. She is your best friend and inner guide and goddess. Transformed and re born, she inside you soothes and protects you, allows your individuation and creation. She feeds you from the inside out and is the universe inside your body...she allows you to walk alone - to have compassion without attachment...
until you get it just ask if you re being fed or being eaten





Posession is one with loss
-Dante, The Divine Comedy

Loss is one with possesion
-I said that

Until you learn to name your ghosts and to baptize your hopes, you have not yet been born; you are still the creation of others.
Maria Cardinal , The Words to Say It


Ravenous Mother / Succubus Slut

FEEDERS ...those addicted to feeding on others for attention and find no human pleasure in compassion or empathy. In capable of love except in that it reflects backwards to them - only. The metaphor is extensive... hungry, starving to death, feeding frenzy, vampire, ghoul, eating flesh,, eating willing partner to increase power, cannibalism, being eaten- being prey, letting go to victimhood or walking alone, being a good cook cock (sychophant) ,raising food, surplus, stored food ,in case of shortage, famine, bulimia, nausia, vomiting, sure bet food ,comfort food, devouring ,devouring mother, succubus, preditor(cat), greedy, eyes bigger than stomach ,eating w gratitude, saying grace,entitled eating, parasite worm, worm bait, bottom feeder, hunting, fear of starvation, consuption vs mnaintenance, fishing for food(lures) ,gardening, pure food, organic food ,righteous food, hunter-farmer ,food groups, variety, ravenous, heavy feeder, shitting, satiated,, starving for attention, satisfied ,so hungry I could eat a horse, Dionysus and the Bacchea ('spawned by the dragon'...must kill the dragon to avoid arrested development as locked in the devouring mother = time change of Kali Ma), heart is the lonely hunter, night of the hunter, hunter in a farmers world, hunter farmer fisherman, thegame of the hunt-the game of obtaining food- the game of hunting for sport,hunter hunted, hunting w gratitude equals scrifice and sacrement and gives meaning to a seemingly mindless act of murder,murder or sacrifice,growth or death control(diet) or freedon(binge),meat-vegitable,bull-cat, fawn-cat...
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love is an alchemist that can transmute poison into food-and a spaniel that prefers even punishment from one hand to caresses from another- Charles Colton , "Lacon"
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Don t shit where you eat ... if you re a practiced heavy feeder this warning doesn t apply to you... you practice reverse alchemy- turning gold into shit ... w the consumptive impunuty of a preditor
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By definition a feeder is indiscriminate... if you wanted to be the only food in town then you want your cake and be eaten too ...



Kali

Kali
your best friend

Kali

Goddess Kali:the heart is where the burning takes place-where kali dwells-burns away all limitations and ignorance-most compassionate because she provides liberation to her children w a ravenous appetite for truth so that her children can transcend the egoic field of opposites - when the gods become overwealmed they call in Kali to take care of things-set things right again-Kali begat the gods-the universe in space and time is inside her-
Kali .... "Death - lifes change agent"(Steve Jobs)... something in the universe wants clarity








Tongue and Sculpture

Tongue and Sculpture
Kali reference-tasting all things

To contemplate the BLACK GODDESS as the flux of life death rebirth is to see things as they really are. KALI illustrates strikingly what the world of appearances looks like to the one who has seen beyond....her overall presence,which is frightening,and her dwelling place in the cremation ground clearly mock the ultimate significance of the world grounded in the ego







Dying of Starvation

dying for attention and affirmation - dying of starvation - same thing, weak from malnourishment,,,

Sharking

...sneaking up behind someone and pulling down their pants. What happens if a vampire seduces and feeds on you and makes you like the vampire itself and takes away your energy and blood and libido for life and doesn t want you until theu get hungry again? Guess you could say you got sharked...

Shark Eyes

... empty and satiated or hungry and very interested (in fact you are the only person-food-in existence), empty of emotion eyes=full and satiated. not interested in eating you though you may be very interested in being eaten ,, at this point the idea of giving you(food) any time at all is revolting to the feeder who is full and satisfied and sated... its like demanding the feeder to eat another meal when the feeder is full up (fed up)...(this does not preclude farming food on the side for percieved times of shortage - in fact the ONLY time a feeder plans ahead for anything and carries it through)..... on the other hand , if the feeder is starving to death for attention and its been just long enough since its last meal then you all of a sudden become the most important person- prey- on earth - in fact the only one - the flavor of choice - the only flavor that will do and satisfy, and likewise - if the food is not delivered fast enough either coaxed by lure or persued then some real anger sets in ... like a low blood sugar attack.

Fed Up

annoyed at being bothered by prospective food when the feeder is full



Cave Man / BEAST/ steak / food

Cave Man  / BEAST/ steak / food
Bull Meat, Cat Food

Hard Work Raising Food

addiction requires preparation, in fact ALL a feeders energy goes to raising food ... job friends children family clubs social life exercise religion and spiritual life... ALL energy goes to raising food and defending a legitimacy around that purpose(if challenged).... so, on top of being full, a feeder is exhausted after feeding ...again, not a good time to be asked to be eaten

A FEEDER WANTS TO FUCK ITS FOOD WHEN EVER IT CAN

....All a feeders life is sexualized and there is very little morality in what it won t fuck...whatever keeps it out of jail or rejected (making it difficult to raise food). Work-clubs-social outings- friends- and friends of friends(heck pure strangers in sight line at a restaurant or walking down the street or ANYONE who looks tastey - all need to be fucked before they are eaten...a possible exception is that most feeders have a "monkey on a chain" or bottom feeder or sychophant of the opposite sex who is a positive surrogate father or brother projection... these poor people are consummately in love w the feeder and the feeder for them epitomozes their sexual fantasy... they are jealous on all levels and deliciuos hell exists in their overtly dry sexual relationship that can never be consummated at the great risk of incest. This pleases the sadist in the feeder and the masochist bottom feeder - you may imagine them under a bar stool licking feeders high heal shoes - symbiotic...

Defense of Raising Food

...the emporers new clothes - ( see Fishing Lure) It is imperative to the feeder to maintain a very attractive false self in order to attract(raise) new food - both physically and socially... the feeder will appropriate any and all learned behavior and costume from any desireable source and fit it into its persona... this includes but is not limited to spiritual-sexual-design-cosmetic sources... anything that will make it at once more desirable to its prospective food source and at the same time cover the extraordinary pain caused by the projection of its inner animus... for the feeder is trapped acting out a reaction to its perception of its fathers projection which is in fact its animus...the feeder becomes the very thing that it fears its father sees... aself fullfilling prophecy so well hidden in its obviousness ...."the child is the secret of its sire" Muslim Proverb... the emporers new clothes

The Great Mother

The anima is the mover, the instigator of change, whose fascination drives, lures, and encourages the male to all the adventures of the soul and spirit, of action and creation in the inner and outer world.

---Erich Neumann , The Great Mother

Marie Louise Von Franz

MODERN WOMEN ARE REJECTING THE BONDAGE OF OUR PATRIARCHAL HERITAGE. THEY ARE CONSCIOUS OF A GREATER POTENTIAL OF LIFE WITHIN THEM AND NO LONGER EXPERIENCE SELF WORTH IN ONLY BEING AN OBJECT OF A MAN S DESIRE

Marie Louise Von Franz

The positive animus is an innermost instinctive awareness of the inner truth, a basic inner truthfulness which guides the spiritual woman in her individuation, toward becoming her own self




Animus as Tyrant

She is trapped acting out a reaction to her perception of her father s projection on her, which in fact is her animus ... she in fact becomes that very thing that she fears her father sees ,,, a self fullfilling prophecy so well hidden in its obviousness ... "the child is the secret of the sire" Muslim Proverb



I can t possibly...

"I can t possibly be with someone who thinks of me as you do."
-Generic

Sycophancy

Terror, letting go, and comfort in 'dying' to be another s food...
Living with death - being someone s dinner...
Sycophancy= comfort in the knowledge that you re someone s food.



Dick Head Lookinmg for Feeder

Dick Head Lookinmg for Feeder
fuck me / eat me / suck me dry

Sure Food

.... intimates - a sure bet for heavy feeders are their mates who were trapped fairly and without overt coercion but who slowly realize that some kind of absurd and sick training is going on... to fight back is to invite blame and projections of the vilest pain experienced by the feeder. The most loving and understanding position will not assure the feeder... a change of the position of one card would bring down the house. Defense beyond reason will spell the verdict on a relationship with a heavy feeder. Once a feeder, always a feeder.... shrinks(legitimate) have learned not to treat them at risk of bneing drained of their very blood... incurable because of the absolute inability to face the pain lying deep inside who they really are combined with the relative success and gratification of a life as they have re created it.... an amazing testament to the creativity of the consciousness of man and the sad travesty of an unnatural act that flies in the face of the universe and human relationships based on love. Contained ion the lower chakras this purely reactive behavior is bereft of any developement towards the transcendental. Further it does not reach the basic 3rd chakra of the social contract.
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FEEDING FRENZY :

Social events are edifying for the food of the heavy feeder. If you are intimate food(comfort food- you exist only for the comfort of your feeder) then you can watch your feeder enter a room of fresh meat and start to visibly salivate and twitch with excitement as they scan the room looking for which fresh prey to eat and hopefully fuck. Of course forget wanting to be eaten,,, you re on your own even though you came as a couple w your feeder (see PERFECT COUPLE)... they will share your bag lunch w a perfect albeit tasty stranger, offer him your seat, sit w the new food and ignore you w aplomb...they will in fact enjoy your discomfort blaming you for your insecurity...If there are a lot of people and the situation is a familiar comfortable one the energy of the hunt will be palpable...your feeder will strut from location to location scoping out and raising new food,,,meet new food and neglect to introduce you ... dissapear w the new food and check in from time to time to see how uncomfortable you are...flirt and dress provocativel as if everything is perfectly normal in their behavior...be raised to vociferous and irrationally acute anger if they are questioned, try and ask for help from your feeder for your emotional distress and you will be scornerd and denigrated as weak..(taking shit from your feelings). as the feeder disappears into the food that surrounds it w renewed assurance as one after another of the objects of your feeders starvation basks in the light of the Feeders hunger wondering what poor sob you are who hangs out w someone who clearly treats you like shit. The feeder would cultivate, fuck, and eat your best friend if you sat by and watched it- and your best friend would wonder how he could be so lucky,,, the Feeder s tremendous anger at any interference to the fact that the emporer is naked combined w your desire to be eaten by your feeder keeps the obvious at bay. You feel like the shit of your feeder(in fact you may BE the shit of your feeder having been eaten and digested and shit out) - the feeder feels satisfied w food it raised for the food bank to find, eat and fuck.

Batman

Batman

Vampire

...enough said - you run w that metaphor... "it s like he s drugs for you, Bella" .... suck you dry way before you can pull down the wisdom of Buddha and figure out what the fuck s goin on....



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- green skin/ red lips
-witch/vampire
-bewitched
-succubus (female demon beleived to have sexusl intercourse w sleeping man)

"bewitched" and "animal" can actually refer to a property in a person that is not developed(instead of closer to the earth or the understanding of metaphor),,,arrested development instead of closer to instinct... Joe Campbell calls them 'jerks"... good food source - the 'Beast' as steak



Cave Man

Cave Man
giclee print 24x36"

Bewitched Beast

'Bewitched' (by witch - undiffentiated anima) and 'Beast' refer to arrested developement...


For all Christ s work this Venus is not quelled
But reddened at the mouth with blood of men,
Sucking between small teeth the sap o' the veins,
Dabbling with death her tender lips -
A bitter beauty, poisoness-pearled mouth...

Charles Swinburne





Beefheart

Beefheart
self portrait as a beefheart painted with cow blood






let it go-the
smashed word broken
open vow or
the oath cracked length
wise-let it go it
was sworn to
go
let them go-the
truthful liars and
the false fair friends
and the boths and
neithers-you must let them go they
were born
to go
let all go-the
big small middling
tall bigger really
the biggest and all
things-let all go
dear
so comes love

-ee.cummings




CHAKRA PAINTINGS

Some Chakra Paintings

Ray Man

Ray Man

Grail Paintings

Grail Paintings

chakra ovary grail vase

chakra ovary grail vase

Chakra Painting

Chakra Painting
"Dad s Ashes"

Crucifiction- Marion Woodman

This condition of the crucifiction, then, is a symbolic expression for the state of extreme conflict, where one simply has to give up, where one no longer knows, where one almost loses ones' mind. Out of that condition grows the thing which is really fought for. For Nietsche, it would be the birth of he Superman. We would say it was the birth of self....

Meat Eating Flower

Meat Eating Flower




GODDESSES




Holy forgiveness! mercy! charity! faith! Holy! Ours!
bodies! suffering! magnanimity!
Holy supernatural extra brilliant intelligent kindness of soul!

From 'Howl' - Allen Ginsberg

Bessie Boris

Bessie Boris
artist and mentor

Dinorah

Dinorah
love you so much
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Barbara

Barbara
16x22 oil on board

Morrocan Shaman Goddess

Morrocan Shaman Goddess



WARRIORS HEROS FATHERS SONS

Heros Journey

Encountering the Goddess within is not a task for the faint hearted. Only a hero can take the journey to find her. To reach her he must pass through his own wasteland,give up his false sense of power and discover what is of real value to him. Only then can he give full expression to his own creative power....

Patriarchy and the sons and daughters of patriarchy do know the Goddess. Locked in fear of her judgments they see her as a negative mother who could destroy them-therefore they want either to dominate her or please her, In her positive form the Goddess is the cup the vessel the womb in which they need to be protected if they are ever to know the parts of themselves that are not recognized by the collective

Benjo

Benjo

Red Headed Man

Red Headed Man
20"x24" oil on board

Red Headed Man

PICTURE ABOVE OF RED HEADED MAN is..He was 93 when he died recently. When I was a kid I had an imaginary presence who made deals with me. I called him the Red Headed Man because he had red hair.

Target

Target
70x70" hunted ghoul w tree of life outta head and a little greenery on it

Halloween Costume late 80s

Halloween Costume late 80s
death and birth

Pablo Neruda poem

And it was at that age poetry arrived
in search of me- I don't know. I don't know where
it came from, from winter or a river.
I don't know how or when,
no, they were not voices, they were not
words, nor silence,
but from a street I was summoned,
from the branches of night,
abruptly from the others,among violent fires
or retuning alone,
there I was without a face
and it touched me.


to go beyond the ego we have to turn inward with our own microscopes of introspection;we have to go into our own opaque`matter to discover the unpredictability and spontaneity of our true nature. We have to enter chaos,terrifying though it might seem,if we are to find our own creativity, Courage and awareness of the dangers are essential to our entering into the dance of our own dark reality. To let go of the familiarity of our own restrictions risks madness. For Kali is said to be mad and with her wild lord Siva kali riegns over and impels onward the dizzying creation that is this world....

Beck

Beck
BeckTree3 Greg foto

Wednesday, March 12, 2008

BLOG HERE

site specific only

Beck

Beck
Flower painting

Selected Bibliography

  • Addiction to Love-Susan Peabody
  • Autobiography of a Face- Lucy Grealy
  • Buddhism Without Beliefs- Stephen Batchelor
  • Can You Become a Creature of New Habits?- Jane Rae-Dupree NYTimes May 4 2008
  • Cold Mountain- Han Shan
  • East of Ego: The intersection of Narcissistic Personality and Buddhist Practice- Pilar Jennings (article investigates the potential psychological dangers of Eastern spiritual practice when undertaken by a narcissistic practitioner) Journal of Religion and Health,vol46,No.1,March 2007
  • Ego Death
  • Freeing Yourself From the Narcissist in Your Life- Linda Martine-Lewi
  • Going to Pieces Without Falling Apart- Mark Epstein
  • In Focus: Marion Woodman
  • Kundalini
  • Leaving My Fathers House,a Journey to Conscious Femininity- Marion Woodman
  • Marion Woodman- 'Dancing in the Flames-the Dark Goddess in the transformation of Conciousness
  • Mother Goddess as Kali
  • Nonzero- the Logic of Human Destiny Robert Wright
  • Rumi The Book of Love- poems of ecstacy and longing
  • Secret of the Vajra World- Reginald A Ray
  • The Agnostic Buddhist:Secular Vision of Dharma Practice- Stephen Batchelor
  • The Art of Worldly Wisdom - Baltasar Gracian
  • The Day the Voices Stopped- Ken Steele
  • The Mind and the Brain- Jeffrey Schwartz and Sharon Begley
  • The Neural Buddhists-op ed columnist David Brooks,NYTimes,May 13 2008
  • The Pregnant Virgin,a Process of Psychological Transformation- Marion Woodman
  • The Ravaged Bridegroom,Masculinity in Women- Marion Woodman
  • Train Your Mind Change Your Brain-Sharon Bagley
  • True Love- Thich Nhat Hanh
  • Video: Deep Water
  • Video: God and Buddha
  • Video: The Power Of Myth- Joe Campbell
  • Video: The Robert A.F.Thurman Collection
  • Video: Touching the Void
  • White on Black- Rubin Gallego
  • Zen Mind, Beginners Mind- Shunryu Suzuki